Today was hard. I had to drive down and see my mom for the first time in more than 2 years. A couple days ago, when I called her, was the first time I'd even spoken to her in more than a year and a half. The actual interaction was polite but nothing more than surface level conversation and the very hard realization was that she does not care about myself, my husband or our children. I wish I were exaggerating but every mention of them was dodged and avoided. What really broke my heart was having to explain to my 14-year-old, when he questioned my trip, that she genuinely doesn't care about our family. I don't understand that mentality. I don't understand how someone can treat their family, their child, as something that's disposable. I understand that she doesn't agree with Torah. I understand that she doesn't agree with us walking away from pagan holidays. I understand even that she seems to be threatened by the fact that I do things differently. I don't understand how she can be so okay with pretending we don't exist. Her house is full of pictures of birds and insects and mounted deer heads. Her three little dogs run around and occupy her attention. All the while, her grandchildren are growing up little more than 2 hours away. She's replaced all of us and doesn't seem the least bit phased with it. My heart is mostly numb to her, specifically, but my heart still breaks for my children and the relationships that they've lost. They don't even understand what an uncle is because my brothers don't have anything to do with them. They don't understand what a grand parental relationship could be because they don't have active grandparents. My husband's mom comes around once in awhile but doesn't really understand what it means to be a grandparent herself. Not only do I feel like my kids are missing out but I feel like parenting is so much harder for Jake and I than what our parents had. Both of our moms were teen moms and had more help than I've ever been able to even imagine! Their levels of help were very different from one another but they had help. Jake and I have never known consistent help at all! This generation is a very selfish one and a very hard one to raise kids in!