Shabbat shalom, all! The past two shabbats have been a time of extra gratitude for me. I am still trying to completely trust Yah in all things, to not be a control freak. Yet, i feel like a sluggard if i dont accomplish things. You see, i had a heart attack on the 15th. I was helpless. All i could do was wait for Yahs perfect healing in perfect time. I was originally scheduled for angioplasty friday afternoon. As they wheeled a chair to my door, they were diverted to an er patient in critical condotion. The angioplasty saved his life. Mine was rescheduled to 18 hours later. No blockages were found, but evidence of prolonged hypertension and high pulse was seen. I need to relax, stop being anxious, stop trying to be in control. I believe Yah took that extra 18 hours to heal my heart and to teach me patience in all things. He is in complete control, whether we acknowledge it or not. If our time on earth is over, there is nothing we can do about it. I was just sitting in my living room, talking with my daughter before she left for clinicals and BAM! It felt like someone hit me with a sledgehammer in the chest. Just that quick. No warning. My vitals were all normal, so my daughter thought nothing of it. She went to clinicals, while i tried to get transportation to a hospital out of town. (This hospital has been dismissing my symptoms for a while). An abulance would take me to the local hospital. I tried to get a hold of my daughters friend. She was in the shower. I arranged transportation to an urgent care center, where i thought they would get me transferred to the hospital i wanted. Just then, my daughters friend called back and said shed take me. She stayed with me until the er determined i had a heart attack and needed to be transferred to a cardiac unit in another hospital. I gave her money to give to my daughter for groceries since i hadnt been able to run errands that day. She refused gas money. I had the best doctors and nurses at both hospitals, with the exception of one nurse. They worked so well together, despite being understaffed. I wasnt kept very informed by the one nurse, so all i could do was pray for healing and calm. Once i was resigned to not be in the loop and things didnt happen the way i was told they would originally, Yah rewarded my patience and fast with a large, delicious meal and information that my angioplasty had been rescheduled for the next morning. Everything went smoothly and i was discharged a few hours later. Fortunately, i had filled the car up with fuel, so my daughter didnt need to conduct a transaction on Sabbath when she drove 90 minutes to pick me up. I felt helpless when she called and said she couldnt find parking or where to go in the hospital while she was in tears. One of the student nurses went down to lead her to my room once we helped her find parking. She was so relieved to get to me! We had to wait a while for all the iv sites and angioplasty site to be dismantled, which gave my daughter time to calm down and cool off. She, she is also high anxiety when things dont go smoothly as she is on the autistic spectrum and has adhd. That was her first experience driving in that part of iowa city, and her first time driving there alone. Im usually there to direct her with my ancient knowledge from living there 30 years ago. The hospital i was in is where all of her siblings were born, but it had changed so much, i couldnt direct her which one way streets she needed to take to find the parking ramp. I had to trust Yah to guide her in circles until she found a parking lot. When you are in positions of helplessness, all you can do is trust Yah. Yah took care of my teen when i was in the hospital. Yah took care of any blockages there may have been. Yah took care of the person who needed emergency angioplasty. Yah took care of my daughter navigating. Yah took care of us traveling home without incident and well before dark (no headlights). Yahs timing is not always our timing, but it is perfect timing. It all works out to His good will. If we just relax and enjoy the ride of life, things are a lot easier. I am grateful i listened to Him about not planting a garden this year because i cant tend to it. Next year is the 7th year. Harvest wouldnt have come before the 7th month this year anyway, so it would have been for nothing. Yah saved me a lot of trouble, stress and discouragement when He told me not to plant any annuals of anything. I started strawberries from seed, but even that didnt work out. When we listen to Yahs calm voice and gentle nudging, things go easier. I know we are supposed to toil for our food and store the harvests, but there are times when He will tell us the circumstances arent right, and will provide alternate means. Yah is good. His gifts are good. His love is perfect. We can be perfect if we let Him be in charge instead of causing ourselves grief. I know the dishes wont get done unless i do them, but maybe, just maybe, they dont have to be done by a certain time, or all at once. Baby steps are a lot safer than leaps and long jumps. I must learn to take baby steps once again and let the rest go. Yah will see to it. I need to stop racing Him! Hes already at the finish line. Hes waiting for me to pace myself so i can endure. He is infinitely patient with me. Why cant i be patient with me?