Its amazing how Yah heals our hurts! I was sad and discouraged when i went to bed last night after less than positive social media interactions and a meeting that reminded me theres not much else i can do for my almost 18 year old. I have PTSD from many years of trauma from 91-01. I relive those events every night, even though i pray to avoid them. If i manage to get to sleep without thinking of them, they often manifest as night terrors. I do have healing from much of it, but i cant repress the memories. Yah blessing me with a fifth child brought a lot of that healing, but i feel i have failed her also, so the guilt comes back. I know unless i forgive myself, the Father will not forgive me either. He has shown me that i am forgiven in many ways, but just when i think ive gotten past it, a trigger sets me off again. Believe me, i am much better than i was in 2009! Its been almost 14 years since the Spirit came in to me like a warm rush of wind. I fear He will not contend with me much longer since i cant straighten out. My conscience eats at me regularly. I am trying to look forward to having quiet time to bury myself in the Word much deeper than i have in a long time. But the empty nest coming also empties my heart. I must trust Yah to look after her as He has always done. I thank Him for mending fences overnight to give me encouragement today! I must focus on today and enjoy the time i have now. Its all i have. My recent heart attack made that reality smack me in the face. I have unfinished business to attend to. It will keep me quite occupied for some time. I thank everyone here for being an ear, encouraging me with your daily posts and sharing the joys and sorrows in your lives so i can remove the focus from myself and place it on mightier things. The love of Yah is wonderous, mysterious, and fearsome. I thank each of you for keeping me one foot in front of the other and helping me listen for the Voice of Yah when all i hear is the daily droning in my head of what ive done wrong and the fear that i can never make it right. Blessings to you all! Shalom!