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https://natsab.com/2022/01/21/....reading-my-emails-th

Reading my emails… the Polygyny Awakening | natsab

It happens often, too often, to be mere happenstance. Yah is doing something amazing and I'm just excited to be a simple instrument that bears the striking resemblance of a lightning rod. Each week or two, someone reaches out to me because they

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An interesting read. I have a few questions and comments. For one, you asked for examples of women without covering. In Numbers 30 we have two examples (widows and divorced) who do not have a spiritual covering and whose vows stand alone. In a similar way, it seems that women whose father has died are not passed on to a male relative since the daughters of Zelophehad were commanded to "marry whom they think best" not just whoever their guardian chose.

While I agree that polygyny is allowed, practically, what is your response to the argument that the birth rate more or less 1:1 males and females. If, as Torah specifies, there should not be a single male or female without progeny, then each man having one wife should certainly be the norm except in times of serious shortages of men (like after a war). Wouldn't this be a fair reason for seeing one wife as the norm of God's design? If the ratio of births was 2:1 I would certainly say that the ideal design (just by observing the world) was two wives per man.

Also not to be taken lightly is that many men have taken a vow not to have another woman. (Usually "to thee and thee only." ) Breaking a vow is a sin, so those men should not be encouraged to marry again.

· Reply · 1642824763

Hello Mr. Rambo,
I found your study on plural marriage quite interesting. Due to my acute interest in topics of this nature, I apologize now as my response will be quite lengthy. The study of history and ancient cultures is fascinating to me. Understanding the marriage dynamic is a huge part as to the success of the family and the fabric strength of the culture itself.

The subject of plural marriage has surfaced sporadically within Torah fellowships I have attended in the 13 years I have practiced Messianic Judaism. In one instance, a brother in the fellowship broached the subject with the intent to receive elder support. He was married and desired another wife. His wife did not desire a another woman in the family. She was offended and found his need for a 2nd wife a threat to their marriage. The group Elders and their wives agreed that adding another wife could actually disrupt a household. The example of tensions between Sara and Hagar as well as the rivalry between Rachel and Leah was given. The man was not told he could not add another woman, but it was made clear his decision to do so would be without the support of the fellowship community.

While a man was/is permitted in Torah to have more than one woman, it appears that in this day and time, not all women are mentally/emotionally equipped to have another woman added into the existing family. Our Western culture mindset “until death do us part” is understood as a covenant marriage made between 1 man and 1 woman. Period. There is no plurality in Western thinking for the addition of a second woman to be included with her own covenant as an additional wife.

In your post you mentioned your wife Ana several times. I am curious that you made no statement as to her feelings regarding another woman being brought into the family. I have studied a number of cultures practicing plural marriage. In those cultures, it is the matriarch wife who is entrusted with the majority of the decision on who the additional woman/women brought into the family would be.

Quite often it was the matriarch wife who investigated the prospective woman to see if the prospect’s family, her values and her character were in harmony with the husband’s household. An equal consideration was given that the prospect also be pleasing to her husband. It was an honor to bring to her husbands attention, the prospect of another woman that she felt was acceptable to him. This is something you may want to consider for your own circumstances. Would you be willing to accept Ana’s choice of another woman for your next wife? This is something she should be actively involved in as it will forever change her life with you.

The responsibilities of the first wife are tremendous in maintaining order in the household. Part of her responsibility to the household is clearly outlined in Proverbs 31. Her ability to lead, teach, make decisions and care for all those who are part of the family is clearly stated. The first wife has authority or she would not be given the job to train the younger women. In your case, your wife Ana would be responsible to train any additional women brought into the family. She not only has the responsibility of caring for her own children but to see that the next wife is maintaining the standards set in your household.

Ana has just as much say in this arrangement as you do. Was it her understanding when she married you that she would be the only wife? Would she have married you if she knew you intend to have more than one wife? If you did not discuss adding a second wife prior to your marriage to Ana, she may feel betrayed by you. This family expansion will change the entire dynamic of her life with you. Never again will she have you exclusively as you will have with her. I encourage you to seek out her heart on this matter. If Ana is not completely willing…your home life will suffer.

Torah states a proper marriage appears as two oxen working together equally yoked for the task they are given. They share their strengths and pull together. They are trained by heeding their master’s voice and need no whip or bridle in order to work together. If Ana is not completely willing (mentally/physically/emotionally) to pull equally with you…to walk step by step beside you in this endeavor…it will not fare well. Her desire and commitment WITH YOU to adding another woman into the family should be just as strong as your own or it will bring sorrow for you both.

Mr. Rambo, according to examples in Torah, there are additional responsibilities for you as well. There are a number of examples of how a plural marriage is to be set up. You should consider these guidelines so that each woman works well within “the family platoon” that you seek to create. For example: Those men who had multiple wives had a separate family dwelling within his compound for each woman and their children. The man also had his own dwelling in which he slept and also conducted other family business.

The man having his own tent gave him space for business and also kept tensions down between the women. He was not showing favoritism by sleeping with one wife more that the other. A separate “man cave” if you will, helped keep peace between the women and between each woman and the man. This arrangement worked well thousands of years ago and continues to work well in those cultures that maintain plural marriage as a normal part of family standard.

Also, it is understood (according to custom) that a man was/is allowed to take additional women as wives if he could afford it. He had to show he could financially provide for each additional wife to the same standard that he did with his first wife. Considering these separate provisions are examples given in Torah, are you in a position to provide equally for each woman in your household? It is not fair to Ana to have less than she is accustomed and have more responsibility simply because you desire to expand your family with another woman. It is equally unfair to the additional wife to live at a lesser standard than she was accustomed prior to marriage.

From the financial perspective: plural marriage does not mean spreading what you have within two or more women…it means providing twice as much so all have equal provision. I encourage you to actively study other cultures from the financial aspect as well as the plural dynamic between women in the household. It would benefit you (and Ana) to speak with men and their women who are successfully living and functioning within this expanded family dynamic. Having this contact if for nothing else, may open the door for them to mentor you if you choose to walk this path to expand your family.

In Torah, all marriage terms/responsibilities are listed in the ketubah. It was clear that the man was to provide a home and completely support the wife. In no way did it state she would share a home with any other wife. In my own research, I have not found examples of wives sharing one home that there were not issues with personal space, competition, and jealous behavior in sharing their husband. My thoughts are plural marriage should follow the examples provided in Torah, if it is to be done properly.

My final advice to you as a 61 year old happily married woman is this: However you choose to conduct the expansion of your family, your decision should start with seeking YAH’s blessing.
Is it YAH’S WILL to allow you an additional woman? Just because it is allowed in Torah does not mean that it is HIS will for you to have another wife.

You do not know the end from the beginning in the path of your life. We are called to bring everything to ABBA for His guidance and blessings. Just as the servant prayed by the well that YAH would reveal the woman to be his master’s son’s wife, you too should pray in that same manner. Let YAH decide this matter. If it is HIS WILL, HE will provide the right woman in HIS timing. If it is HIS WILL, this additional union will bring blessings, not sorrow. You and Ana will KNOW she is the right one and be in harmony in the decision to invite her to join your family. You are all in it together as one…til death do you part.

Hello Mr. Rambo, 
    I found your study on plural marriage quite interesting. Due to my acute interest in topics of this nature, I apologize now as my response will be quite lengthy. The study of history and ancient cultures is fascinating to me. Understanding the marriage dynamic is a huge part as to the success of the family and the fabric strength of the culture itself. 
 
    The subject of plural marriage has surfaced sporadically within Torah fellowships I have attended in the 13 years I have practiced Messianic Judaism. In one instance, a brother in the fellowship broached the subject with the intent to receive elder support. He was married and desired another wife. His wife did not desire a another woman in the family. She was offended and found his need for a 2nd wife a threat to their marriage. The group Elders and their wives agreed that adding another wife could actually disrupt a household. The example of tensions between Sara and Hagar as well as the rivalry between Rachel and Leah was given. The man was not told he could not add another woman, but it was made clear his decision to do so would be without the support of the fellowship community. 
 
    While a man was/is permitted in Torah to have more than one woman, it appears that in this day and time, not all women are mentally/emotionally equipped to have another woman added into the existing family. Our Western culture mindset “until death do us part” is understood as a covenant marriage made between 1 man and 1 woman. Period. There is no plurality in Western thinking for the addition of a second woman to be included with her own covenant as an additional wife. 
 
    In your post you mentioned your wife Ana several times. I am curious that you made no statement as to her feelings regarding another woman being brought into the family. I have studied a number of cultures practicing plural marriage. In those cultures, it is the matriarch wife who is entrusted with the majority of the decision on who the additional woman/women brought into the family would be. 
 
    Quite often it was the matriarch wife who investigated the prospective woman to see if the prospect’s family, her values and her character were in harmony with the husband’s household. An equal consideration was given that the prospect also be pleasing to her husband. It was an honor to bring to her husbands attention, the prospect of another woman that she felt was acceptable to him. This is something you may want to consider for your own circumstances. Would you be willing to accept Ana’s choice of another woman for your next wife? This is something she should be actively involved in as it will forever change her life with you. 
 
    The responsibilities of the first wife are tremendous in maintaining order in the household. Part of her responsibility to the household is clearly outlined in Proverbs 31. Her ability to lead, teach, make decisions and care for all those who are part of the family is clearly stated. The first wife has authority or she would not be given the job to train the younger women. In your case, your wife Ana would be responsible to train any additional women brought into the family. She not only has the responsibility of caring for her own children but to see that the next wife is maintaining the standards set in your household. 
 
    Ana has just as much say in this arrangement as you do. Was it her understanding when she married you that she would be the only wife? Would she have married you if she knew you intend to have more than one wife? If you did not discuss adding a second wife prior to your marriage to Ana, she may feel betrayed by you. This family expansion will change the entire dynamic of her life with you. Never again will she have you exclusively as you will have with her. I encourage you to seek out her heart on this matter. If Ana is not completely willing…your home life will suffer. 
 
    Torah states a proper marriage appears as two oxen working together equally yoked for the task they are given. They share their strengths and pull together. They are trained by heeding their master’s voice and need no whip or bridle in order to work together. If Ana is not completely willing (mentally/physically/emotionally) to pull equally with you…to walk step by step beside you in this endeavor…it will not fare well. Her desire and commitment WITH YOU to adding another woman into the family should be just as strong as your own or it will bring sorrow for you both. 
 
    Mr. Rambo, according to examples in Torah, there are additional responsibilities for you as well. There are a number of examples of how a plural marriage is to be set up. You should consider these guidelines so that each woman works well within “the family platoon” that you seek to create. For example: Those men who had multiple wives had a separate family dwelling within his compound for each woman and their children. The man also had his own dwelling in which he slept and also conducted other family business. 
 
    The man having his own tent gave him space for business and also kept tensions down between the women. He was not showing favoritism by sleeping with one wife more that the other. A separate “man cave” if you will, helped keep peace between the women and between each woman and the man. This arrangement worked well thousands of years ago and continues to work well in those cultures that maintain plural marriage as a normal part of family standard. 
 
    Also, it is understood (according to custom) that a man was/is allowed to take additional women as wives if he could afford it. He had to show he could financially provide for each additional wife to the same standard that he did with his first wife. Considering these separate provisions are examples given in Torah, are you in a position to provide equally for each woman in your household? It is not fair to Ana to have less than she is accustomed and have more responsibility simply because you desire to expand your family with another woman. It is equally unfair to the additional wife to live at a lesser standard than she was accustomed prior to marriage. 
 
    From the financial perspective: plural marriage does not mean spreading what you have within two or more women…it means providing twice as much so all have equal provision. I encourage you to actively study other cultures from the financial aspect as well as the plural dynamic between women in the household. It would benefit you (and Ana) to speak with men and their women who are successfully living and functioning within this expanded family dynamic. Having this contact if for nothing else, may open the door for them to mentor you if you choose to walk this path to expand your family. 
 
    In Torah, all marriage terms/responsibilities are listed in the ketubah. It was clear that the man was to provide a home and completely support the wife. In no way did it state she would share a home with any other wife. In my own research, I have not found examples of wives sharing one home that there were not issues with personal space, competition, and jealous behavior in sharing their husband. My thoughts are plural marriage should follow the examples provided in Torah, if it is to be done properly. 
 
    My final advice to you as a 61 year old happily married woman is this: However you choose to conduct the expansion of your family, your decision should start with seeking YAH’s blessing. 
    Is it YAH’S WILL to allow you an additional woman? Just because it is allowed in Torah does not mean that it is HIS will for you to have another wife. 
 
    You do not know the end from the beginning in the path of your life. We are called to bring everything to ABBA for His guidance and blessings. Just as the servant prayed by the well that YAH would reveal the woman to be his master’s son’s wife, you too should pray in that same manner. Let YAH decide this matter. If it is HIS WILL, HE will provide the right woman in HIS timing. If it is HIS WILL, this additional union will bring blessings, not sorrow. You and Ana will KNOW she is the right one and be in harmony in the decision to invite her to join your family. You are all in it together as one…til death do you part.

· Reply · 1642835895

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"Torah states a proper marriage appears as two oxen working together equally yoked for the task they are given" -Just wondering where in Torah you have found this statement. -Thanks!